Where is your comfort zone? When you become upset or just feel unsettled, what gives you comfort? Is there one specific thing, place or person that always brings you the most comfort?
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What brings you comfort
Whenever I’m upset or feeling unsettled I instantly seek comfort. I think this is true of most people. Instinctively we need to soothe the inner turmoil.
Depending on what has caused the inner chaos determines where I seek my comfort.
Usually, when I’m angry it is best for me to sit quietly by myself. I have a hot temper, sometimes a little explosive. Only verbal though and I cuss a lot when angry. So it really is best for me to be alone when I’m mad so that I don’t lash out and say hurtful things to someone that I soon regret. My temper fades as quickly as it appears most of the time.
Actually I stomp around cussing for a few minutes then start laughing at myself for how stupid I’m acting. So I don’t normally seek comfort when I’m angry.
Why people seek comfort
Let’s back up a minute. To understand why we seek it, first we need to think about what is comfort?
the pleasant and satisfying feeling of being physically or mentally free from pain and suffering, or something that provides this feeling:https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/comfort
The above definition is from the Cambridge dictionary. Or this next one is from Dictionary.com
verb (used with object): to soothe, console, or reassure; bring cheer to. noun: a person or thing that gives consolation: relief in affliction; consolation; solace:https://www.dictionary.com/browse/comfort
While Wikipedia describes comfort as “Comfort (or being comfortable) is a sense of physical or psychological ease, often characterized as a lack of hardship.”
Hence, comfort can be physical or it can be emotional. Such as finding that perfect spot in bed that is most comfortable to fall asleep. That would be physical comfort. But emotionally you can provide comfort to someone that’s lost a loved one.
To give comfort emotionally is to sooth or provide solace. Used as a noun comfort can be anything that provides an easy, relaxed feeling.
Perhaps it’s something that even brings you a sense of security. Such as a baby with their pacifier or favorite blanket.
Why do we have comfort zones
We have our comfort zones in part as a way of self-preservation. Inside our comfort zones, we are stress-free and totally relaxed. Here we are safe without pressure to do things we aren’t comfortable with.
When you have zero stress it’s because your needs are met and your brain recognizes that your body is surviving. So you can totally relax. This is good. This is your safe place.
Your body cannot handle being on high alert or in high-stress mode all the time. The body needs downtime to relax. However, stepping out of your comfort zone from time to time is also good. It helps you to focus and learn to deal with life stress when unexpected things happen.
What is your comfort zone?
Obviously your comfort zone is being inside the lines of “comfort” for you. At work for instance, if you were asked to take on a new task that you were not familiar with, that might push you outside of your comfort zone.
Your comfort zone is usually not a physical place but more of a place in your mind. A comfort zone is a psychological state in which things and surroundings feel familiar, comfortable and you are at ease.
Just for fun take my poll on what gives you comfort:
Things that can push you out of your comfort zone
- Losing a loved one to death
- Loved one going through illness/cancer
- Losing your job
- Getting a new boss
- Losing a pet
- Empty nest (the last child to move out)
The above list is of the ones I feel are the major stressors in our lives. Although there can be many other things that make people unsettled, upset or need comforting.
Furthermore, don’t forget that our children require comforting also! You may not always realize it but our children feed off of a parent’s emotions.
When a parent, especially the primary caregiver is upset, anxious or cranky then the child will usually be so too. So just as you need comforting during those emotional times, so will your child. Try not to let your stress cause you to be irritable with your child, which can only cause more stress for both of you.
Stressors for children
Things or situations that cause stress for children aren’t really much different from those for adults. Instead of our jobs, it is the school for children.
Moving, changing school, or getting a new teacher may even cause more stress on a child than changing jobs would on an adult. As adults, we are better equipped to adapt.
We may even choose to change jobs which then forces our child to move to a new school and make all new friends. Peer pressure is real people! It can be traumatic for kids!
Remember as the parent you are normally your children’s safety net, their comfort zone. So be patient, understanding and above all be comforting to them.
It’s almost impossible to avoid stressors. In fact, you can’t always avoid them. Stressors are part of life.
I’ve talked about comfort zones, being comforted and the stressors that cause the need for comfort. Now finally let’s talk about what gives you comfort when you are stressed and unsettled.
Where I Find Comfort Most Often
I seek comfort from people, places and things. Depending on what has me feeling stressed or unsettled as to where I seek the comfort that I need.
Sometimes only one tactic will do the trick, yet other times I may combine two or more. Such as meeting a friend in one of our favorite places. Let’s look at my list of comfort producers.
Where I find comfort
- Close Friend: when something is bothering me, heavy on my mind and I just need to vent. I call one of my two closest friends. I normally start the conversation with “I just have to vent” and they respond in a way that lets me know they have plenty of time to let me get it all out. They are always ready and willing to hear me vent. They also know just the right way to respond to whatever is bothering me. Either by helping me see that I’m being a bit silly over the situation or they fully understand why I’m upset over it. Within a few minutes, my friends have me laughing and relaxed. Forgetting all about why I was unsettled in the first place. I also call one of these same friends when something major happens in my life. Such as illness or death in my family. Most times I barely get one word out and my friend is asking who? and what happened? Before I can get those questions answered fully, my friend simply says “tell me where you are at, I’m on my way” And I’m comforted because I know back up is on its way. She will take care of me in my time of need.
- My circle of friends: Also known as my prayer ladies. This is my group of close childhood friends. We have all been through thick and thin together for 50+ years. We keep a group message on Facebook going where we send prayer requests to our group. We also send encouragement and funny memes to each other. Whenever any of us get bad medical results for ourselves or a loved one, we send out a prayer request. If one of our kids or grandkids has a difficult test or try-out they are worried about, we send a prayer request. This group message is like a life-line for me to instant comfort. I know once I type in what has me worried it is instantly prayed about by my prayer ladies. They will honestly pray for me without fail. Because of my belief in God and in the power of pray, this is very comforting to me.
- Family: There are times and certain stressors that I just want my children and grandchildren near me. Sometimes I just want one of my daughters on the phone. I need to hear their voices. Then other times we don’t even have to say many words. I tease my oldest daughter that sometimes I just need to hear her breath. Because there are times that she just needs me on the phone but doesn’t have much to say.
Now for places and things that comfort me
- Prayer: I’ve mentioned prayer with my Circle of Friends. I also find comfort through my own prayers. My own faith in God brings me comfort and hope. When I need strength, guidance, peace or comfort I turn to God in prayer. Often times when I’m trying to make a difficult decision in life I miss my parents more than usual. Some may find this weird, but one of the places I find comfort is at the cemetery. I go to my parents’ graves and I pray there. I feel close to my parents and God at the same time. This gives me peace and comfort.
- Being Alone: Simply sitting still, quiet and alone. I can’t say that I meditate, but when I’m nervous or anxious I find that being alone is the best way for me to relax. If I’m alone and I sit still in the quiet it will calm me because I’ve removed all things that were over-stimulating to me.
- Music: I absolutely love music! All kinds of music! I enjoy different genres for different moods. Music soothes my soul in so many ways! In fact, I’ve done an entire blog post about how music soothes me. You can check it out at Music Soothes My Soul.
Where Else I Find Comfort
There is one other thing that gives me comfort. I didn’t feel I could just put it on the list. This deserves a section of its own.
I go here for comfort daily, not just when I’m unsettled. I start and end my days in this place.
I seek all comfort and hope for daily living in The Holy Bible. I have several translations of The Bible. I enjoy reading the same verse in different translations.
I even have an app on my iPhone that has the entire Bible ready for reading at my fingertips. I can easily search verses, highlight them and mark them for future reference.
However, I prefer reading the old fashion way, out of a printed Bible so that I can turn the pages. There’s something about those delicate pages of a Bible that brings me comfort.
Bible paper is an extremely thin, lightweight, opaque printing paper with a basic size of 25 by 38 inches. This specialty paper is generally made from 25% cotton and linen rags or flax.https://www.lifewire.com/bible-paper-in-typography-1078239
Some of my favorite verses
Below are some of my favorite verses that bring me comfort in times of strife or stress. When I’m troubled or dealing with a hard time in life, I turn to scripture. These verses bring me the most comfort.
13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.Philippians 4:13 New King James Version (NKJV)
Jeremiah’s prayer for deliverance
Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed;
Save me, and I shall be saved,
For You are my praise.
Psalm 34:17 (New King James Version)
17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
In conclusion, I’d like to say
That while these are the things that bring me the comfort I seek, I do not intend to imply that anyone must rely on the same methods.
While I am Christian and I am not ashamed to admit that fact, I am not one to try and force others to believe the same way that I do. However, I will gladly speak about my God to anyone that wants to hear more.
Also, I will gladly and willingly pray for anyone that would like me to do so. With that being said I am providing a Prayer List submission form below.
Simply fill out the form and submit it. In the text field, you may put as many details about what you wish for me to pray about with you or leave it blank. God knows your needs. I do not need to know your needs in order to pray for you.
As always I appreciate all my readers and love to hear from y’all, so leave me a comment! Tell me what gives you comfort!
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Until next time,