Soul mates- 5 ways to recognize yours when you find him. That’s what this post is about. And also the one major reason that I failed to recognize mine until it was too late.
Do you ever wonder if there really is one true soul mate out there for you? I did. I have gone through life wondering if I’d ever find that one guy that was honestly a perfect fit for me.
In this post, I plan on giving you at least 5 major ways to recognize if a guy could be your true soul mate. Then I will also tell you my story and how I failed to recognize my true soul mate for over 30 years.
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Soul Mates- 5 Ways to Recognize Yours
There are probably many more than just 5 ways to recognize your soul mate when you find him. But I want to talk about the 5 main ways I should have recognized mine. He was right in front of me all the time!
Perhaps before we start with the ways to recognize your soul mate, we should talk about what a soul mate really is.
What is a soul mate?
I have heard soul mates described in many different ways. One way is that a soul mate is a mirror image of yourself. But I don’t actually agree with that description.
In my honest opinion, a soul mate is the one person you feel the most comfortable around, yet also the most vulnerable without fear. By that I mean you can let your guard down completely and have no fear of judgment.
With a true soul mate you can truly be yourself, show all your insecurities, silly little quirks, and proclivities. No matter if they are good or bad a true soul mate accepts you as you are and still loves you.
Three Types of Soul Mates
I read an article titled “The 3 Types of Soul Mates” by Jacob Wachob. In this article, he described three types of soul mates. Two types that are romantic and one that is platonic.
You can read the full article at the link above, but he describes the first type as a romantic type of soul mate that isn’t meant to be with you forever. But is meant to teach you about love and heartache.
The article goes on to describe the second type of soul mate as the romantic type that is intended to be with you forever. The true soul mate that I refer to when I speak of a soul mate. This is the only type I always thought existed.
However, pointing out the theory of these three types of soul mates may help to understand why I didn’t recognize my true soul mate. But we will get to that a little later on in this post.
Lastly, the article spoke of the third type of soul mate as a platonic nature. This third type was described as a platonic friend that you are always connected to and that you can share your innermost thoughts and secrets with. A friend you remain connected with even when you go long periods of time without seeing them or talking to them.
If that’s the case, then I have many platonic soul mates! Therefore I’m still not sure that I totally agree with this theory of 3 types of Soul Mates.
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5 Ways to Recognize your Soul Mate
As I pointed out earlier, I’m sure there are many more ways to recognize your soul mate than just the 5 ways I will discuss here.
However, I want to discuss the 5 most basic ways. The most obvious ways to me. Things that later made me think “DUH!” The things that were so obviously there all along, yet I didn’t see them for what they really were. So let’s get to it.
1. He shows interest in things you like
He is basically interested in YOU! So he shows interest in everything that you are interested in!
This is his way of finding ways to talk to you about things that won’t bore you. He is not trying to impress you, well maybe he is a little, but mostly he is looking for ways to have interesting conversations.
Also, he is wanting to do things with you that you like and enjoy. He cares about YOU and your happiness. His happiness is seeing you happy. Therefore he is now interested in whatever interests you the most.
2. He becomes one of your best friends
Slowly, or maybe suddenly you realize he has become one of your very best friends. You find that you now talk to him about anything and everything!
Not only are you dating him but you now talk to him and confide in him as much as you do your best gal pal! When something great happens or when something awful happens now you pick up the phone and call HIM instead of your BFF first.
If he has become more than a boyfriend but is now a best friend that is always there for you, then he could be your soul mate.
3. You Accept Each Other’s Flaws
Each of you accepts the other one’s flaws without question. In fact, you may not even consciously see some of them as flaws.
Things some people see as flaws in your partner you may think of as funny little quirks that endear them even more to you. That’s pure love.
But even if you see your partner’s flaws, and some of them may irritate you, the flaws never stop you from loving them.
4. You Feel Like They Get You
No matter how stressed you are or how messed up you are at any given moment you feel like they just “get you”.
They understand every mood and every emotion that you have. They seem to be able to read your mind and finish your sentences.
Whenever you are with them everything seems right with the world. They can calm your fears, your stress and your insecurities. They feel like your safety net. They feel like “home” and your greatest adventure all at the same time.
With this person, you can have endless conversations about almost everything, or you can sit in comfortable silence. You can also make each other laugh about anything! They just “get you”!
5. You can’t imagine your life without them
There is a saying that goes like this: “Don’t look for the one you can live with, but look for the one you cannot live without”.
That is a good rule to live by when looking for a partner. When you find a partner that meets all of the first 4 things above AND you can’t imagine your life without them, then you just might have found your soul mate.
Think about your partner and ask yourself how much you love him. Then sit quietly and honestly try to think what it’d be like if you were to never see or talk to him again.
If you honestly can’t imagine being able to live happily without him in your daily life, then you need to work on making a permanent relationship with him.
Now for My Story
Now I’d like to tell you my story of how all 5 ways to recognize my soul mate were present and staring me in the face. Yet I still did not recognize him for the true soul mate that he was.
You might wonder how I can write this post and describe all the ways to recognize your soul mate if I couldn’t recognize my own.
Well, let’s refer back up to those 3 types of soul mates that I described from another article I read. My true soul mate could have fit into each of those types at different stages throughout my life. And I couldn’t see it until it was too late.
The Ways I should have recognized my Soul Mate
Back to the beginning, I met him when I was in fifth grade and he was in third. He and his family had just moved to our small country town. Our school was small enough that we knew who each other was, but we didn’t become close friends until a few years later.
By the time we reached junior high, we were close friends even passing notes in the hallway. Then by the time I was 17, he asked me out on a date. We dated for almost a year, I even had major surgery during that time and he was right by my side during it all. Oddly though it didn’t feel romantic to me. He was one of my best friends that happened to be a guy.
So when another guy asked me out, a guy I’d had a crush on for several years, of course, I wanted to say yes. I told RJ that I wanted to date this other guy, and he just said “OK”. No-fuss, no fight. That basically ended our high school courtship. But not our friendship.
Six months later when the second guy dumped me and left me pregnant, RJ came back wanting me to marry him and let him claim the baby as his own. Read my earlier post about I got One Thing Right for more details on that time in my life. This was the second time I walked away from RJ without realizing he was my true soul mate.
Why didn’t I see what I had with him
Again in my own defense, I didn’t feel like it was romantic because he was such a close friend. Then the fact that he didn’t argue or fight over me leaving him to date someone else lead me to believe it wasn’t romantic for him either.
However, I did love him, I just wasn’t sure if I was “in love” with him. How much does a teenager really know about love?
But as the story goes I went on to marry another man that I truly did love. He actually could easily pass all the above-mentioned ways of being a soul mate too. Although, he didn’t stand the test of time and we divorced. Just as RJ married 5 times total and none of them lasted.
RJ and I continued to see-saw back and forth throughout life. On-again and off-again in between our other relationships. There was no doubt we loved each other.
We had a very strong friendship. We never missed calling each other on birthdays and holidays. Every New Year’s Eve at one minute past midnight I got a text message from him.
When I Finally Got It
Finally one day RJ showed up with a ring. It had a cluster of 25 small diamonds. He explained it was one for every year that he had loved me. He also had to remind me that it was the 25th anniversary of our first actual date.
I felt awful. How had he remembered that date for so long and I didn’t have a clue? I remembered our first date being during my junior year of high school, but not the exact month and day.
That’s when I got it. He’d always loved me totally and unconditionally. It had always been romantic AND platonic for him. We were best friends and he was in love. We completed each other. I did love him too. And finally, at that moment I realized just how much I did love him.
He had never fought, fussed or argued when I left him for someone else or when I hurt him. He put my happiness before his own. He wanted me to be happy no matter what it meant for him.
It’s Never Too Late… Until It Is
As the years went on we always stayed close as friends, but we never seemed to be single at the same time. When I was married to someone else he was single or when I was between marriages then he would be married to someone else.
Until late in 1999 I was just ending my last divorce as RJ was separated from his wife at the time. He called me and we met to talk. Finally, we admitted all the true feelings that should have been talked about 20 years earlier.
However, his wife was pregnant and he could not go through with the divorce at that time. But I finally knew that I could not and would not marry again unless it was with him.
Almost 12 years later he divorced his wife and on the day the divorce was final, he came to my door. He dropped to one knee and asked me to marry him. He wanted me to move in with him right away.
While my heart was screaming YES, my logic told him I wanted to give his daughters time to adjust to their parents just divorcing. Sadly he took that as one more time of me turning him down gently.
He told me that was the last time he’d ever ask me. Then he turned and left. About another year later he remarried for the last time.
It Really Was Too Late
He may not have been perfect, but he was perfect for me. For some unknown reason, he could not totally believe that. He always thought he wasn’t good enough. He thought I would always leave him, just as I did in high school.
He was always a large man, but not fat or obese, even though he thought of himself as fat. He was 6’3″ tall and very athletic, but not fat at all.
So when this last wife wanted to have gastric bypass surgery and suggested they both do it together it was easy for her to talk him into it.
Although he had his reservations about having the surgery he did it anyway. I saw him less than a week before the surgery. He told me he was nervous about having it done. I asked him then why was he doing it.
I’ll never forget the way he looked down at me with that twinkle in his eye. He bit the corner of his lip then said “so I can lose all this fat, then maybe you will love me enough” I told him I already loved him enough. He just chuckled and walked away.
That was the last words ever spoken between us. Less than a week later he went in for his surgery. He did not survive. He died from complications of the surgery.
I went way off track with just telling how I missed all the ways of knowing my soul mate while all the time he was right in front of me.
However, in conclusion, I just want to say there are many ways to recognize your soul mate as well as ways that you can fail to recognize them too.
Just because the person seems like such a good friend doesn’t mean you should rule out the possibility of a romantic relationship. Explore what is really between you and the other person. Talk openly about those possibilities.
Don’t ever ignore the possibility that a great friend may have more than platonic feelings for you. Stop and consider some of the ways they act or things they do for you. Perhaps they are just putting your happiness before their own.
I never once thought about my life without RJ in it because I always thought we would have plenty of time. Life is short and unexpected things happen. Don’t wait!
I have known real love twice in my life. Both times I walked away. RJ kept coming back and I still lost my chance when I last had it. I doubt I’ll ever have that kind of love again.
It’s been five and a half years since RJ died. I’m trying to move forward instead of living in the past. That’s why I felt I needed to make this post now on New Year’s Eve.
Tonight at a minute past midnight I know I’ll still watch my phone for the text that will not come as it hasn’t come for the past 5 New Year’s Eves now. But this time I’m moving forward. No more looking back. I’m ready to start living happily again.
It’s never too late to live happily ever after… until you wait too long to start.
Until next time,