Well, Shut my mouth! I need a filter between my brain and mouth because you can’t take back the spoken word! And somethings in life you cannot change.
Let’s just get this one fact out of the way. I’m a true southern gal, I’m loud and easily excitable. I talk a LOT! I will readily admit I have never actually had one of those “filters” between my thoughts and my mouth! I can’t blame it on alcohol either! If it pops into my thoughts it’s most likely coming out of my mouth before I can stop it.
It’s just who and how I am. Thankfully my friends love and accept me anyway! God bless their hearts!
My friend Lydia actually loves this fact about me and enjoys taking advantage of it. Maybe a little too much sometimes! But we both get a good laugh out of it! She has very sarcastic humor, so if I happen to say something derogatory, she quickly fains hurt feelings and replies, “Oh, I see how you really feel about me!” To which I instantly start apologizing and it makes it even funnier to her.
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Things you can never take back
There are some things in life you can never take back. Hurtful words are one of the main ones. Which is why I have worked so hard over the years to develop my filter.
I do much better now in most situations. It takes a lot of concentration to make myself slow down and talk to myself silently before speaking! So when I’m in a small group of just my closest friends I tend to forget the filter! Things get a bit amusing when we are all together! ha-ha
But one really needs to filter everything they say to other people. Develop a kindness filter!
Try considering these few things before speaking.
- Does the person need to hear it?
- Do they need to hear it from me?
- Do they need to hear it right now?
- Am I saying it out of kindness and truth?
If you cannot answer yes to those questions about what you are thinking of saying, then perhaps you should keep it to yourself. Of course, I’m only talking about difficult or possibly hurtful things you are about to say. Not general conversation.
Some other things you can’t get back
Other things you can’t get back or change are things like time and occasions. YOLO, meaning you only live once! Cherish the moments, make lots of memories and do your best to live life in a way that leaves as few regrets as possible!
When my kids were young I divorced their Dad and remarried. Probably the biggest mistake of my life. I didn’t see it that way at the time obviously, but looking back now I can see that I didn’t make good decisions at that time. I talk about this in my earlier post My 7-year Trainwreck.
That was a time and an occasion in our lives that I not only regret, but I cannot go back or change.
If only I could have shut my mouth! A lot of hurtful things were said and done during that time of the first divorce. I hurt a lot of people during that time, including my children. None of it could be taken back.
Of course, when I woke up to reality and realized my mistakes I apologized. Even though my ex-husband and even my children accepted the apologies and tried to forgive me, that kind of hurt never really goes away. You just can’t take that hurt back!
Live with no regrets
Because we cannot see into the future we will never be able to always make perfect decisions in every situation. Therefore living with absolutely NO regrets would be very difficult and most likely impossible.
In order to live in a way to leave as few regrets as possible, I have learned to always practice kindness and love.
Before you speak or act you should consider if your words and/or actions are born out of love and kindness. Will your decision to proceed with your plans hurt anyone else? Are you acting/speaking out of anger or spite? Are you acting/speaking out of purely selfish motives? Will your plan/actions improve your and/or your family’s life?
Stop and Think to prevent things you can’t take back
Always take the time to stop and think! If only for a few seconds before speaking, take a short pause before actually speaking your thoughts out loud.
This has been the most difficult thing for me to remember and do, but it really makes a difference. When I do this I then have fewer words I can’t take back or need to change.
When making a decision that will affect your life then obviously you have to stop and think. Although some people don’t stop and think it through adequately. Put it down on paper, list all the pros and cons. Leave it for a day or two, then come back and read it again. You might see a different outcome.
Open Communication is Key!
In order to have fewer words you can’t take back or things, you can’t change focus on keeping open communication with friends and family!
Throw away your pride! What good does your pride do you if it costs you a relationship with someone you love?
Learn to apologize! Again, is damaging a relationship worth the need to always feel like you were right? Or that you were the one that deserves the apology? You can simply apologize for the argument. No harm, no foul.
Not only can’t you take things back
There are also somethings you just cannot change, no matter how hard you try. Check out 11 Things you Cannot Change.
No matter how many times you apologize or how much you try to make it right with a person that you wronged, sometimes the hurt was too deep. You cannot force someone to forgive you. You can’t make them accept your apology. You can only offer the apology, be sincere about it, and hope they will forgive you.
You cannot change who you are or where you came from, but you can change how you act and react to situations. I was born and raised in a very small Texas farming community. I’m very “hick” and “redneck”. I’m not ashamed of that fact. I’m “Texas Proud”. But I also went to college, became educated and professional in my career as a nurse. I even learned to control my mouth while at work! ha-ha
We may never change the world, but we can change our little corner of it, one person, one place at a time. Practice kindness and love, then share it. How about making that shit go viral!!!? Pardon my language! I forgot the filter again!
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Until next time,